cosmetic 4

By B.B. Wolf, Senior Building Inspector, Woodland District Code Enforcement Division

Let me set the record straight. After twenty-seven years with the Woodland Building Department (WBD), I’ve seen every construction shortcut and code violation imaginable. But nothing—and I mean nothing—compares to the infamous Three Pigs incident of 2023. The media had a field day with it, of course. “Big Bad Wolf Terrorizes Innocent Homeowners!” Please. I enforced the International Building Code, 2021 Edition, with local woodland amendments.

It all started with an anonymous tip to our department’s compliance hotline. The caller, who I would later discover was a rather fastidious beaver from upstream, reported unauthorized construction activities in the Lower Woods district. Three new structures had appeared virtually overnight, with no posted permits, architectural drawings, and highly questionable materials. As the senior inspector for Zone 4, the case landed on my desk.

I looked over our records first, following the protocol. No building permit applications. No site plans. No structural calculations. No soil testing reports. In a designated high-wind zone with seasonal flooding concerns, this was more than just negligent—it was dangerous.

The preliminary site photos from our code enforcement team were alarming. There were three different buildings. One looked like it was made entirely of straw, which is against IRC Section R301.2.1; another was made of unmilled stick assemblage, which is against at least six different structural integrity codes; and the third was made of brick, which might be okay but still needs to be inspected and certified by a professional mason.

I scheduled the inspections for the following morning. Standard procedure dictates we notify property owners 48 hours in advance, but Municipal Code Section 109.3 allows for immediate inspection in cases of imminent structural failure. Given that our meteorological department had forecast 40mph winds for the coming week, I invoked this clause.

The first house—the straw construction—was a textbook example of what not to build. I approached at exactly 9:00 AM, clipboard in hand, wearing my department-issued khakis and building inspector badge displayed. I knocked on what generously could be called a door.

“Little pig, little pig, let me come in!” I called out, using our department’s legally mandated greeting (which our legal team should honestly update for professional standards).

“Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!” came the reply, which is not an acceptable response in our inspection protocol manual.

I adjusted my hard hat and double-checked that my inspection credentials were visible. “Sir, I am a licensed building inspector with the Woodland Building Department. I need to conduct an immediate safety evaluation of these premises.”